If you know… you KNOW 🤣💚
Masters Week… aka The Super Bowl for Grass Growers
If you’ve ever lost your husband to Masters week… welcome. You’re safe here 😌💜
Masters week is here… and we all know what that means:
Hunter green pullovers.
Pimento cheese sandwiches.
And every grass grower alive fully dialed into Magnolia Lane…
With one click of the remote…
Just like that… I no longer have a husband.
I now have a grass-growing robot with a doctoral degree in agronomy.
I mean… he’s physically here. Same house. Same couch. Same snacks.
But mentally? Emotionally? Spiritually?
He’s floating on a blow-up raft, sunning himself in Rae’s Creek.
The TV hasn’t left golf in 3 days.
Oh no… we are NOT watching.
We are studying!
Studying every blade of grass… like he’s about to be called in as an emergency consultant at any moment.
And the commentary???
I don’t even need to watch…
Because I’m getting a full verbal play-by-play whether I want it or not.
THERE’S EVEN A RINGTONE.
I cannot make this up 🤣
The things coming out of his mouth…
“I’m calling it right now… next week those greens are gonna be so dried out they’ll rival a parking lot.”
“That green is a little soft…”
“I don’t love the firmness on that approach…”
“They missed that mow line…”
“Is that an alien seed pod on the collar of 12?!”
Umm… sir?
(And no, I do NOT call him sir 🤣)
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN GRASS.
THIS IS THEE AUGUSTA NATIONAL.
RELAX....
And the way they say it too…
Like it’s personal.
Like Augusta called and asked for feedback.
And before anyone says “just let him enjoy it…” oh I DO.
I just didn’t realize I’d be single for a week every April 😆
Meanwhile I’m over here just trying to exist.
I could literally be mid-sentence:
“Hey babe, did you—”
“Yeah… mhm… looks good…”
LOOKS GOOD???
WHAT LOOKS GOOD???
I’m talking. You’re watching grass.
WE ARE NOT HAVING THE SAME EXPERIENCE 😆
At this point I don’t even ask questions anymore.
Because I already know what happens.
I say ONE thing like:
“What’s a stimp?”
And suddenly I’m in a full-blown seminar.
We’ve got numbers.
Moisture levels.
Wind direction.
Historical context.
A PowerPoint.
A TED Talk.
All I wanted was a yes or no 😭
So now?
I just nod,Crack a little smile like I’m engaged…
Meanwhile I’m actually thinking about a handbag I saw someone carrying in the crowd.
The key is to LOOK like you’re listening.
“Wow yeah… super firm… love that for them… YAY SPORTS!”
No clue what I’m saying.
Not a single thought behind those blue eyes.
And don’t even let the weather change.
A cloud rolls in and it’s:
“Well that’s gonna affect the greens…”
WHOSE GREENS??
YOURS??
ARE WE INVOLVED?? 🤣
But honestly…
This is their thing.
Their moment.
Their Super Bowl.
Their Grass Grower Olympics.
So I let him have it.
I support him.
I respect it.
I even encourage it.
Heck… we have Masters cups that are ONLY allowed to be used during this sacred time of year.
But if I hear the word “undulation” one more time…
I’m checking myself into a facility.
A plush, quiet, husband-free facility… made exclusively for turf wives.
No golf.
No commentary.
No “just one more hole…”
Just peace and nothing grass related 🤣
Turf wives… do your grass growers do this too???
Tell me I’m not alone.
If you’re a turf wife… welcome home 💜
Tillturfdouspart.com 💜
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